The Lost Art of Compromise…
A relationship with your spouse or significant other can be a wonderful experience. Yet somehow in this day and age, with divorce rates still so high, one can’t help but wonder if a relationship is worth having. The doom of relationships is partly due to the emergence of the “Individual Movement.”
The “Individual Movement” has never been stronger, and now more than ever, everyone is living their lives according to their own needs, desires, morals, ethics, etc., etc. Don’t get me wrong, I am “pro” “Individual Movement.” But this need for living according to who we are and our individualistic needs has put the art of “compromise” with others on the back burner. The need to be, advocate, and conduct ourselves as individuals, has made us spoiled. So can both “Individualism” and “Compromise” truly co-exist? Of course it can.
The ability to co-exist with our partners takes both the ability to advocate and express who you are, and the ability to compromise who you are, in order to maximize cohesion in your relationship. Let’s take for example, a couple that consists of one vegetarian, and one meat lover. How do they co-exist? You can probably just picture the vegetarian cursing out the meat lover, and the meat lover getting frustrated at the vegetarians eating habits! In the cases of compromise, there are two essential elements that need to be present in order for the compromise itself to be effective:
Respect: Respecting, acknowledging, and validating your partner’s feelings and individualistic wants or needs.
Re-adjustment: Readjusting your own thoughts on the situation in order to bring you two to a middle ground. Determine this by doing a little soul-searching; how important is this to your values, ethics, and individuality. Once you have soul-searched, figure out the level of readjustment you are willing to commit to. (Both partners must readjust!)
Finally, talk with your partner on what you are willing to re-adjust, and fine tune to meet on middle ground. So for the couple above with the vegetarian/meat lover dilemma… perhaps after soul searching, the vegetarian has respected their partners love for meat, and is willing to overlook their partner eating meat once in a while. The meat lover has found a respect for the vegetarian’s beliefs, and is willing to eat a majority of vegetarian meals as long as once in a while, they can eat meat. Once they have soul-searched, they meet on common ground, and decide that once a week and on holidays, the meat lover can have a meat dish, and for the remainder of the week, they will stick with fun and inventive vegetarian dishes (the meat lover forgot that they were also very fond of pizza and spaghetti!). Bottom line, compromise can work… as long as you work on compromising!!
William Martinez
william@longislandexchange.com
February 10, 2006 1:48 AM Eastern
Advice Column
