By
Francyn Winter It doesn't matter how old you are, 19 through 90, we are all vulnerable to those thoughts. And one very frightening thought that I always used to have was that I was among the very small minority of people who were obviously not lovable enough to be coupled with someone else. That I was one of the odd loners that just couldn't find my match. Or that there just wasn't any such match for me in this world, and so therefore, I, would naturally be the 'one and only' to walk through town on a beautiful Sunday afternoon…'singular'. While, of course, it seemed that everybody else was walking hand in hand with someone they liked! And this, I feared would be my lifelong, humiliating and sad fate. And then entered…"The Personals". The personal ads on the Internet, the personals in our local newspapers, the personals in some of the most upper crust avant guard magazines, video dating clubs, matchmaking memberships, singles dances, 12 step groups, Parents Without Partners, Gals Looking For Gravy and Men Looking For Meat! The list goes on! And then suddenly.....I realized......I wasn't alone. Not by a long shot. My Lord! There are so many unattached people all around me! People of every age and background. They stand there right in front of me and I'd never know it. That lovely 60ish lady in front of me on the grocery line. What about my 50 year old, great looking attorney who I've been spilling my guts out to? How about that very handsome older gentlemen that walked into the hardware store? He's a widower! And that unassuming pretty young lady walking with her somewhat older mother through the mall? They are both without a mate as well. My goodness, I'm not alone. I'm not alone at all. In fact, I simply cannot believe just how many people there are all around me that are unattached ....and maybe ... somewhat lonely. Just like me! Just like you. Just like everybody! Realizing this, that the condition of society is not exactly Ozzie and Harriet anymore, at least I feel like I really, after all, am not the social leper I thought I was. And that, boy, it actually looks like; the whole wide world is really going solo! Well, at least it looks like HALF of the world surely is! (OK, give me a little slack here?) But, it's not as if I didn't have my options as to whether to be single or not. It's not as if I didn't have a choice as to whether or not to walk down those lonely Sunday sidewalks alone. I mean, I too, was once a couple, before I became a single. And there was a day when I also walked hand in hand with the love of my life, (my husband at the time), and I too was one of those fun couples that do all that summertime stuff in the streets…hand in hand. But, as life would have it, there came an end to all of that. This is life. This is what happens. The ups and the downs. The winning and losing. The change. And change is what life is all about. So, for me, when the "coupling" on those summer days became less and less, and I was finding myself being left behind on weekends more and more, and the Valentine's Day cards from my husband were either non existent or read: "Hey Pal, you're a great Gal".......well, then I knew that I would MUCH rather be walking down those Sunday Sidewalks ALONE and by myself, than to be suffering internally from emotional malnutrition! Now, after realizing that aloneness is a very normal process as we travel through the journey of life and that neither I nor anyone else who is "alone" is abnormal, a wonderful rebirth has taken place. I've begun to lift my head up high and become empowered by doing very fun, independent things which bring to me unexpected companionship, peace and contentment. I enjoy using my time, (no rush here), to seek out the many wonderful ways of socializing which do not include searching out that 'certain someone' with whom I need to accept as my proverbial 'soul mate'. I have joined a wonderful spiritual coffeehouse, where I make friends that make me laugh. I've joined a support group once a week just so as to 'get it all off my chest' and then have coffee and cake afterwards. It's actually fun. It's actually fulfilling. I joined an all female gym because I'm SERIOUS about my workout, and do NOT wish to have to 'primp while I sweat'! I volunteer two hours a day, two days a week at my local hospital and I've opened more doors, given myself more opportunities and met more people. I talk to people wherever I go weather it's on a grocery line, or any place at all where there are human beings that I open a conversation with. And yes, leave no stone unturned, I also do indulge now and then, responding with integrity, to an age appropriate personal add here and there. Now this particular avenue of meeting someone can be racy. Fast lane. So therefore, I am very selective of who I let into my world through this method. And I make it ever so clear that I am venturing into this avenue of introductions for only a clean cut, All-American, boy-next-door, old fashioned, kind of relationship. And, honestly, in spite of the lechers out there in cyberspace, (men and woman alike), I've been quite successful in meeting some genuine gentlemen that seem quite emotionally stable and would probably treat you with dignity and class. But beware, my friends, men and woman of this unusual moral species come few and far between! As a matter of fact, in today's society I am beginning to believe that the morality gene is somewhat a freak of nature. So, move slowly and with a cautious eye. Don't be someone's next tidbit! Please-please…let's all use our brains here. Meeting quality people is the important thing. Not quantity. Be not lonely or feeling desperate on those sunny Sunday sidewalks, or on that action packed Memorial Day when you are feeling like the only human being without a partner! Realize just how many of us are really out there! Doing the very same things you are. And I think it’s also important to certainly understand that our 'alone time', for however long it lasts, is quality time. Beautiful time, a peaceful time, just like when we were kids and we had no 'significant other' to stress over! Use it! Visit your aunt, drop in on an old friend, re-establish a lost relationships that you once enjoyed, and if you are lucky enough to have family of any kind at all, then for Heaven's sake take advantage of this gift while you still have it! And really, do you need a man or woman to buy you dinner or take you to a movie? I mean, if the person offering you a date isn't someone you'd want to even share an ice-cream cone with, then you really need to pass on that offer! Case in point, coming home from Manhattan one afternoon, I stopped into a coffee shop for a cup of coffee and a Danish. I sat down, opened my paper, began reading when a very nice older gent caught my eye and smiled. He certainly was handsome enough and I couldn't help smile back. He approached my table, and boldly asked me if he could sit with me! So, feeling a little uncomfortable with this, but being the ever so curious woman who likes to open every single door to life slowly, I agreed and we had our coffee together along with ten minutes of pleasant small talk. For me, that little adventure was adequate. I am quite satisfied talking to a new person whom I never met and simply moving on. I love the excitement and the newness of another human being. I have to say, I do love meeting people. But, I am not looking to be picked up, or make a quick connection with a perfect stranger. Now, the general public may say that having this stranger sit at my table was out in left field in the first place! But, I found it innocent enough and after coffee was over, I stood up and told him how nice it was meeting him and that I must be going. But as I stood up, he stood up with me. Suddenly this very innocent looking man with that casual attitude seemed to become quite aggressive and out of the blue he said to me: "How about dinner and a movie tonight?" As he spoke those words, I watched his eyes become piercing and heading due south of my face! (gulp) His smile now became more of a snicker! What was only 15 minuets ago an easy- going kind of gentleman who just wanted an easy cup of coffee to share, was now putting me on the spot. At this point he began exhibiting that lecherous, squinty gleam in his eyes as he was clearly thinking to himself: "...sure, and after the movie I'll have YOU for desert!" Yikes! My heart started to palpitate, my skin tightened. So, with all the calm I could muster up, and a gorgeous toothpaste smile I was able to plaster on my face, I politely told him how fabulously generous, handsome and wonderful he was. And how I woulda, coulda, shoulda… but just COULDN’T that night, as I made my frantic exit out the door. Having exited and now waiting to exhale, I executed my best plan at the moment. A plan that works relatively well for men AND women alike! I put my foot on the gas, headed for the nearest Blockbuster, bought some excellent chick flicks, picked up my favorite double cheese pizza, went home, shut the shades, poured my favorite cocktail, made a fire, kicked back in my nighties.....and hey, you know what? THAT’S "dinner and a movie"! And I never even had to kiss any frogs! So, tell me? What's so bad about being single? And THAT'S .....JUST WHAT
I WAS THINKING! By: FRANCYN WINTER read archived articles | submit an article for review
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