KILLERS

At The Movies: Killers

(Long Island, N.Y.) Here's an interesting fact: Killers, the new action/comedy starring Ashton Kutcher and Katherine Heigl, was not screened for critics prior to its release. Studios often do this for their movies when they just KNOW said critics are going to rip it a new one and Lionsgate, the studio behind Killers, is an especially active participant in this practice. They do it with every installment in the terrible "Saw" series, too, because they want to try and get as many people into the theater before word gets out that their flick is the equivalent of the Jonestown Kool-Aid. But in this case, such an act may not have been completely warranted- while Killers is basically an uninspired knock-off of the great Arnold Schwarzenegger/James Cameron film True Lies (woman marries guy, only to learn later that he's a spy), it's still manages to be...well, just okay. Come to think of it, if saying Killers is "...well, just okay" is the highest praise I can heap in this movie, maybe it's for the best that Lionsgate didn't screen it after all.

Well, here's the plot, such as it is: Jennifer Kornfeldt (Heigl) is on vacation with her parents (played by Tom Selleck and Catherine O'Hara). The rather neurotic (yet otherwise quite normal and boring) Jennifer meets Spencer Aimes (Kutcher), the two fall in love, engage in a whirlwind romance and quickly marry. But what Jennifer doesn't know is that Spencer is a CIA assassin who kills people (but, to quote Schwarzenegger from True Lies, "dey vere all bad."). Tiring of the bloodshed and wishing nothing more than to have a normal life, Spencer quits the CIA and settles into a bland yet pleasurable existence in suburbia with his new wife. Things are great, until Spencer's past comes back to haunt him in the form of an army of knife and gun wielding wackos out for his hide. Considering the fact that people are now trying to gun down Spencer left and right, he has no choice to let his sweetie Jennifer in on his "little secret." But this reveal begs the question: will Jennifer stand by her man, or run for the hills? If I were her I'd split, but hey, that's me.

Hmm...how do I expand upon my "...well, just okay" summary of Killers, as stated above? Well, first off is the big surprise to me: Ashton Kutcher somehow managed NOT to be annoying! I know, I know, you're shocked as well, but it's the truth! The character of Spencer is really a nice guy at heart, albeit kind of a goofball, and for some reason Kutcher just gels with that kind of role. Katherine Heigl, on the other hand, is just plain aggravating. Her character starts out skittish and completely useless, but eventually evolves out of nowhere into this Linda Hamilton/Terminator 2 hard-edged kinda gal. The problem is that she's extremely annoying in EITHER mode. Together, Kutcher's likeability is somewhat (but not completely) cancelled out by Heigl's UN-likeability, leading to a film that is "...well, just okay."

But wait, it's time to pick apart the "comedy" and "action" aspects of Killers. To do so, let's reference the superior film it rips off, as I mentioned above: True Lies, a movie that almost perfectly managed to balance the humor and explosions. Director James Cameron was able to weave these two aspects into a fine tapestry of excitement and adventure; the jokes were funny, and the action scenes deftly and breathtakingly pulled off on a grand scale. It helped that Cameron's two stars, Arnold Schwarzenegger and Jamie Lee Curtis, were both charismatic and had great chemistry together. But due to Heigl's wretched performance in Killers, half of that important equation is lost, and Kutcher just can't carry it all on his own. It also hurts that there really aren't that many laughs and that the action scenes tend to lack any real "oomph." It's solid (or you could say, "...well, just okay"), but the negative True Lies comparison is always just lurking under the surface. You can't produce a movie with a near-identical premise and escape that. But at least Kutcher manages to pull his weight when it's time for fisticuffs and gun slinging. I'm not saying the guy is ready to usurp Arnold's throne or anything (the very thought is enough to make me chuckle lightly into my Sobe Fuji Apple Pear juice), but he certainly doesn't embarrass himself at all, either.

So, here we have Killers, a "...well, just okay" movie that isn't horrible and certainly isn't worthy of the stigma Lionsgate has forced upon it by failing to screen the film for critics. I'd say Killers is worth the price of a ticket if its only competition was the "I'd rather apply soap with a cheese grater for the rest of my life than see it" Sex And The City 2, but the fact is that there's a neat little sci-fi/horror film debuting in theaters today called Splice starring Adrien Brody and Sarah Polley that's far more worthy of your time and money. Heck, I'm even hearing good things about the new comedy Get Him To The Greek, which I originally thought looked pretty bad just from the promotional poster alone. So, I'll end my little review like this: if you've already seen Splice and Get Him To The Greek, but find yourself still craving yet another movie, Killers is for you! Otherwise, it's (wait for it) "...well, just okay."

Christopher Boyle

June 6, 2010 2:40 PM Eastern

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