World Cup A Threat To Militant Islam, Apparently
Not so in my case. For me the nonstop hilarity comes from a headline I read at www.breitbart.com, which states that Islamic hardliners have banned the World Cup as being a threat to Islam. This is quite possibly the funniest thing I have heard in ten years. I have no quarrel with religious moderates of any stripe. You are all welcome, in my world, to celebrate your religion or lack of it in any way you choose. These OTHER dingbats, I take serious issue with. It’s not enough to have a set of morals, values, and prayers. Not for these dimwits. They want—no, they DEMAND—the rest of the world go down the same blinkered and narrow-minded path they have set themselves on. These people are the Islamic equivalent to Par Robertson, Jerry Falwell, and all the other zombiefied television warblers-for-God. Complete world domination by militant Islam, or die tryin’? That won’t fit on a gangsta rap CD cover. The best we can do is “Get Rich Or Die Tryin”. Some high-minded philosophy you got there, pal. Just as idiotic as the world domination bit, in my book. In other words, a completely futile exercise. The best any of us can do is get by however we can, scrape together some savings for our kids, and try to croak with some dignity. Pray to whatever gods you choose. Keep your head in the game and do your best. The militant Islamists want to take this away, and replace it with the kind of servitude reserved for…well, religious extremists. The World Cup is a THREAT to Islam? I had no idea that Islam—according to these intolerant fruitbats bent on world domination---was that weak and puny. Imagine the awesome power these World Cup players hold in their hands. They are cooler than all the X-Men put together, because they pose a threat to these radical militants. The World Cup is apparently so bed-wettingly scary that religious extremists forced their followers to collectively hide under the bed while the games are on. “Break out the adult diapers, Wanda, it’s those ATHLETES again! Where’s my shovel? I’ve got to bury my HEAD IN THE SAND” Mister President, we now know how to defeat the suicide bombers once and for all. All we need is a soccer ball, two opposing teams, and millions of screaming fans, all chanting, “We are the champs, we are the champs”. Dismantle the war machine, Georgie boy, send the troops home, and let’s get ready to rumble! All sports, all the time. ESPN’s stock would go right through the roof. What REALLY irritates me is that the nice, moderate Islam devotees are comparatively silent while these wild-eyed, clinically stupid extremists get prime time spouting their fertilizer for the media. Could this silence be a question of access? CNN gives more airtime to the simpleminded droolings of Al Queda than it does the response of the 100% sane, live-and-let-live Muslim community. FOR SHAME! Let’s get some equal time for the voices of the good, decent, and caring people in the Islamic community who are sickened by this sort of nonsense. They are out there, they HAVE to be. Right? RIGHT? But I digress. We need to outfit a massive stadium in Iraq and hold a year-long, nonstop, 24 hour World Cup as the final answer to the radical extremist problem. The World Cup is such a threat to extremism that people were killed over the issue in violent protests. Could we really destroy the intolerance forever with a couple of nets and a bunch of sweaty guys in matching uniforms? The militants seem to think so. They are quaking in their dirty, stinky boots. Folks, any religious faction so weak that it goes running for the latrines over a sporting event deserves to implode, don’t you think? It’s a bad mean world out there, and if your deity or belief system of choice can’t survive a soccer ball, it was doomed from the start anyway. If our government REALLY wants to make a difference, it should be beaming the world cup to every television, for free, until we finally have world peace. Then we can invent some other reason to start shooting each other again. Joe Wallace E-mail This Page | Follow Us | Return to My Column You can Bookmark & Share this article by clicking here:
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I can’t stop laughing. This is, in the movies, used to illustrate a complete break with reality. Madness. A complete and incurable insanity. 
