How to Stay at Home Without Losing Your Mind!
You can't help but think “…but the brochure said: I don't have to work anymore- I'm going to be a stay at home mom! I'm leaving the work force-I’ll have all the time in the world. Maybe in between feedings I’ll write that blockbuster novel. Maybe I’ll learn Japanese…..I’m free” Excuse me while I laugh quietly to myself, for you will have plenty of time on your hands, but I assure you it won't be free. Staying at home with baby will be the most rewarding job you will ever have, and the most difficult. Your new boss will challenge you in ways you never dreamed of. No one really wants to tell you that staying at home can drive you nuts. You eventually come down from your high, and a strange loneliness begins to sink in. You look in the mirror only to find some uglier version of yourself looking back. And this version is many pounds away from fitting in even her fat jeans. This version looks tired and messy and smells like stale spit-up. As your looks go merrily down the drain, so does your sanity. You'll want to burn that brochure. If you haven't already, you are going to lose your mind, but don't worry you'll be in great company. Whether they will admit it or not, your mother did, and her mother did. (Don't be fooled by anyone fables of total sanity, or having it all under control.) There is a certain madness to motherhood. Sometimes you are speeding, just trying to get through the day. Other times you find yourself in a wander, doing your best to navigate the fog. Yet, I always wondered about that woman with the PRADA diaper bag strolling through the mall with the lazy swagger of a cowgirl. How on earth does she swagger? I became envious of those moms who seemed to be so well put together, breezing through motherhood. I have since learned-they are not. They are no less dazed and confused and hurried as the rest of us. The only difference is they have learned a secret to keep their sanity intact. So can you! First, you must detect the early warning signs that mark the decent into mommy madness. The Perpetual Pajama Perpetual pajamas are those articles of clothing that have invaded your wardrobe to wreak havoc on your sense of style. They are perpetual because you can wear them to bed, then all day around the house, to the grocery store, and then back to bed again. They are chic, stylish and slimming. No, sorry-they are none of those things, but they sure are comfortable. The Vocabulary inclined. Are you baby-talking to yourself? Long after the baby is asleep, do you creep into the kitchen saying “mommy needs a snacky- whacky”? Have you lost your command of the English language, only able to form short sentences with one syllable words? Did you thank the cable guy by saying “now who’s a good boy?” The Three Mile Stare. The baby is crying in the bassinet, the phone is ringing, a pot is boiling over, the dryer is buzzing, but you are frozen in your chair, clutching your coffee cup-too tired to blink. Do you know that stare? Do you know which one is Murray Wiggle, that Mr. Noodle has a brother, every word of Bear and Luna’s good-bye song? Are you dumbfounded about how difficult it is to extract the first diaper from a new pack? Have you actually considered using your teeth? If you answered YES to any of these, brace yourself, you're about to go completely crazy… bonkers if you will. As a devoted mom, you probably give so much of yourself to your little one that you have overlooked conventional wisdom, and forgotten how to take care of yourself. I'm sure you already know the basics of staying at home survival: nap when the baby naps, take a yoga class, and take a nice long bubble bath. It's great advice, very practical, but its not the secret to that swagger. If one is to swagger, they do so at a confident, relaxed pace, with a visible self assurance. That doesn't sound like you? Try this: Something to look forward to. Essentially, we all need but three things to be truly happy. We need something to love, something to do, and something to look forward to. As a mom, you probably have the first two covered, but I have found my sanity rests upon giving myself something to look forward to. Whether it’s a party, a dinner date with my husband, or a visit from a friend, a day to myself, or time alone with a box of Teddy Grahams, I try to never leave myself without something to look forward to. Are there no parties to attend? No problem. Throw one of your own. Maintain your friendships. For me the phone rings at 9:00 each day. It's my childhood friend Lisa who is also at home taking care of her daughter. I always get my day started laughing on the phone with her, recanting the joyous and not so joyous events of motherhood. I also try to maintain my friendships with my girlfriends who are single, and have no children. At first, I found it hard to have a conversation with a friend I used to have so much in common with, and now our lives are drastically different. While I cut up a hotdog--she tells me wicked tales of the dating scene. Do I really want to hear about how she spent the night sipping champagne in a trendy SOHO bar with baseball players? Well, yes. Why not. She listens to me whimper with joy as I tell her about my son's first step. Having a few true friends with and without kids keeps the madness at bay. Put on lip-gloss! My husband can always tell when I'm nearing a breaking point. I'm in the bathroom putting on lip gloss to go to the grocery store. Sometimes I even go the whole nine yards. I do my hair, put on a pretty sweater- even perfume! It feels great to step out of the perpetual pajamas and join the world, even if it is only to buy a quarter pound of ham. Whenever I wear nice clothes and make-up I feel like I'm going to the prom. Recently, I scored a wink from Lou, the deli manager. He even gave me a slice of provolone to gnaw on while I shopped. I'm sure it was the pretty-in-pink lip gloss! Frustrated? Try hitting the dictionary. Yes, you read that correctly. Your salvation lies in the good old fashion dictionary. You spend your day shaping your child's precious mind, but probably have been neglecting your own. Your child learns something new each day, so why don't you? Try learning a few new words a week. I like to do it serendipitously. Just open the book to any old page, and find a word I never knew existed. There are also great websites on the Internet to help revamp your vocabulary. www.Wordsmith.org features a word of the day. This has helped my mind from turning to mush. Buy something stupidly expensive. If this is to work, your purchase has to be really expensive, and really, really stupid. Buy that thing you wouldn't dream of buying for yourself. Whatever it is, it must be somewhat within your means, but nonetheless extravagant. If it's a Jaguar, then hurrah for you! No Jaguar for me, I bought a moisturizer. A one ounce bottle of Crème De La Mer. It is luxurious. It better be for 190 dollars an ounce. I pat in on my face each night (my husband always warns: SPARINGLY) and I wake up to glowing, radiant skin. Maybe not always, but it smells great and makes me feel rich. Who was I before baby? For your sanity, it is imperative that you ask yourself that question. It doesn't mean you are unhappy staying at home to raise your children. Perhaps you have fallen out of the loop, or in my case got too big for it, (my first pregnancy, I gained the equivalent of a Backstreet Boy!). As a stay at home mom I have often felt cut off from the rest of the world. I felt as if I lost myself. So I went back to basics: who I was before baby. I try not to stray too far from my passions. Having children does not mean you must abandon your ardent desires, or delay them. Go ahead and write that novel, whatever it takes to bring you closer to who you were, or would like to be. Don't permit your dreams to lay dormant. Your children will later thank you for it. It's all about attitude. There's a saying: “think you can; think you can't, either way you will be right.” You fate is often determined by your attitude. Sometimes it needs a little adjustment. If you substitute “have to” with “get to”, everything changes. I don't “have to” stay at home and take care of my children all day…I “get to”. I consider myself lucky. When asked what I do for a living, I try not to say “Oh, I'm just a mom.” Being a stay at home mom is a noble calling. At times it's a thankless job, but you will be paid again and again with gentle hugs and sticky kisses. Sure, you might be out of the loop, but that's OK, your family is the only loop you will ever want to be in anyway. Janene Mascarella
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You just gave birth to your first child. I’ll bet your high on love. I’ll bet you're smitten with your new little wonder and never knew your heart was capable of feeling such a tender love and adoration. I’ll also bet you haven't slept more than 2 hours a stretch, about 25 pounds over your normal weight. You're looking a bit pale, you're talking to yourself and you are unable to complete a sentence. Just a guess. 