The Guys' Rules

[Senestro13]

At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down

We always hear "the rules" from the female side.
Now here are the rules from the male side.
These are our rules!
Please note...these are all numbered "1"
ON PURPOSE!

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.
We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it
down.

1. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides.
Let it be.

1. Shopping is NOT a sport.
And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want.
Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to
almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1 A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem.
See a doctor.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.

1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls,
don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are.
Don't ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done.
Not both.
If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible,
please say whatever you have to say during
commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and
neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin
is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched.We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to,
expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything
you wear is fine...Really.

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you
are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the
shotgun formation, or monster trucks.

1. You have enough clot s.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round is a shape.

1. Thank you for reading this.

Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight;
but did you know men really don't mind that? It's
like camping.

[Clasione]

Ooo, I like these rules Senestro :D

This could go into our up-and-coming "greatest threads of all time" area..

I had to bring my wife over to the PC and give her a Subtle hint of my own....
:jiggy:

[Senestro13]

glad i can help. i do it for the brotherhood of man...Ooo, I like these rules Senestro :D

This could go into our up-and-coming "greatest threads of all time" area..

I had to bring my wife over to the PC and give her a Subtle hint of my own....
:jiggy:

[hrtlessbabe]

"Don't you have some laundry to do, or something?"
"No, really, I was laughing about...this joke I heard one time."
"Ooh, you are so cute when you get all upset."
"You're just upset because your caboose is starting to spread."
"Wait a minute, I get it... What time of the month is it?"
"Are you gonna cry? Force lip to quiver mockingly Cry for your mommy?"
"You sure you don't want to consult the great Oprah on this one?"
"Sorry, I was just picturing you naked."
"That reminds me. Next time you go to the store, could you add 'giant cork' to the shopping list?"
"Whoa, time out honey, Frasier's back."
"Looks like someone had an extra bowl of Bitch Flakes this morning."
"Is there anyway we could do this via e-mail?"
"Hey baby-if I want a lecture about commitment, I can get one from my real wife."
"I could so use some oral sexual stimulation right now."
"Whom are you kidding? We both know that thing isn't loaded."

[Senestro13]

11 to 13 are my favorites...thanks fo rthe tip, hrtless.. i'll be sure to use those ones...LOL

[hrtlessbabe]

I have to admit 1 thing...when a man looks at a woman and ask her what wrong, we normally say "nothing", If you guys look at us..and think something is wrong...then why bother asking??????
Us women like men to comfort us, luvs us, and always put us 1st in their life...is that too much to ask for?

[Senestro13]

YESSS, if you have to ask then yeah...:love25: I have to admit 1 thing...when a man looks at a woman and ask her what wrong, we normally say "nothing", If you guys look at us..and think something is wrong...then why bother asking?????? Us women like men to comfort us, luvs us, and always put us 1st in their life...is that too much to ask for?

[hrtlessbabe]

How to Make a Woman Happy
It's not difficult to make a woman happy. A man only needs to be:
1. a friend
2. a companion
3. a lover
4. a brother
5. a father
6. a master
7. a chef
8. an electrician
9. a carpenter
10. a plumber
11. a mechanic
12. a decorator
13. a stylist
14. a sexologist
15. a gynecologist
16. a psychologist
17. a pest exterminator
18. a psychiatrist
19. a healer
20. a good listener
21. an organizer
22. a good father
23. very clean
24. sympathetic
25. athletic
26. warm
27. attentive
28. gallant
29. intelligent
30. funny
31. creative
32. tender
33. strong
34. understanding
35. tolerant
36. prudent
37. ambitious
38. capable
39. courageous
40. determined
41. true
42. dependable
43. passionate
44. compassionate

WITHOUT FORGETTING TO:

45. give her compliments regularly
46. love shopping
47. be honest
48. be very rich
49. not stress her out
50. not look at other girls

AND AT THE SAME TIME, YOU MUST ALSO:

51. give her lots of attention, but expect little yourself
52. give her lots of time, especially time for herself
53. give her lots of space, never worrying about where she goes

IT IS VERY IMPORTANT:

54. Never to forget:
* birthdays
* anniversaries
* arrangements she makes


HOW TO MAKE A MAN HAPPY



1. Show up naked
2. Bring food

[Senestro13]

Wow, Is that all i have to do? Easy!!!!



How to Make a Woman Happy
It's not difficult to make a woman happy. A man only needs to be:
1. a friend
2. a companion
3. a lover
4. a brother
5. a father
6. a master
7. a chef
8. an electrician
9. a carpenter
10. a plumber
11. a mechanic
12. a decorator
13. a stylist
14. a sexologist
15. a gynecologist
16. a psychologist
17. a pest exterminator
18. a psychiatrist
19. a healer
20. a good listener
21. an organizer
22. a good father
23. very clean
24. sympathetic
25. athletic
26. warm
27. attentive
28. gallant
29. intelligent
30. funny
31. creative
32. tender
33. strong
34. understanding
35. tolerant
36. prudent
37. ambitious
38. capable
39. courageous
40. determined
41. true
42. dependable
43. passionate
44. compassionate

WITHOUT FORGETTING TO:

45. give her compliments regularly
46. love shopping
47. be honest
48. be very rich
49. not stress her out
50. not look at other girls

AND AT THE SAME TIME, YOU MUST ALSO:

51. give her lots of attention, but expect little yourself
52. give her lots of time, especially time for herself
53. give her lots of space, never worrying about where she goes

IT IS VERY IMPORTANT:

54. Never to forget:
* birthdays
* anniversaries
* arrangements she makes


HOW TO MAKE A MAN HAPPY



1. Show up naked
2. Bring food

[Observer]

:rotfl2: THIS IS A SCREAM!! Where did you get this? Great material.

At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down

We always hear "the rules" from the female side.
Now here are the rules from the male side.
These are our rules!
Please note...these are all numbered "1"
ON PURPOSE!

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.
We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it
down.

1. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides.
Let it be.

1. Shopping is NOT a sport.
And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want.
Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to
almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1 A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem.
See a doctor.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.

1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls,
don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are.
Don't ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done.
Not both.
If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible,
please say whatever you have to say during
commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and
neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin
is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched.We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to,
expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything
you wear is fine...Really.

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you
are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the
shotgun formation, or monster trucks.

1. You have enough clot s.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round is a shape.

1. Thank you for reading this.

Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight;
but did you know men really don't mind that? It's
like camping.

[Senestro13]

i honstly don't remember...LOL

[koyla_76]

How to Make a Woman Happy
It's not difficult to make a woman happy. A man only needs to be:
1. a friend
.
.
.
54. Never to forget:
* birthdays
* anniversaries
* arrangements she makes


HOW TO MAKE A MAN HAPPY

1. Show up naked
2. Bring food

look v r happy with so little :moped:

[Sunny]

Hilarius thread! Thanks for the laughs! :rotfl: