The Deep Voice

[wizdum]

The Deep Voice

A man walks along a lonely beach. Suddenly he hears a deep voice: "DIG!"

He looks around: nobody's there. I am having hallucinations, he thinks. Then he hears the voice again: "I SAID, DIG!"

So he starts to dig in the sand with his bare hands, and after digging for some time he finds a small chest with a rusty lock.

The deep voice says, "OPEN!"

Okay, the man thinks, let's open the thing. He finds a rock with which to break the lock, and when the chest is finally open, he sees alot of gold coins.

The deep voice says, "TO THE CASINO!"

Well the casino is only a few miles away, so the man takes the chest and walks to the casino.

The deep voice says, "ROULETTE!"

So he changes all the gold into a huge pile or roulette tokens and goes to one of the tables, where the players gaze at him in disbelief.

The deep voice says "TWENTY-SEVEN!"

He takes the whole pile and drops it at the twenty-seven. Everybody is quiet when the croupier throws the ball.

The ball stays at the twenty-six.

The deep voice says, "SHI*T!"

[Clasione]

That was great...... I needed that laugh...... :rotfl:

[wizdum]

Horace Schmeeley

A writer from Better Homes and Gardens goes to an insane asylum to interview Horace Schmeeley, an inmate who is reported to be an amazing landscape gardener.. As Horace shows the interviewer around the grounds, she is flabbergasted. Everything is immacualte. The flowers are beautiful, the grass is perfectly manicured, and the tress are expertly pruned. And his running commentary on each shrub and bush is equally impressive. She can't believe it! Here's this guy in an insane asylum, and he's probably the most talented gardener and landscape designer she's ever met, with an inexhaustable knowledge of every aspect of gardening.

At the end of the tour, she says to Horace, "I am enormously impressed with your work. Not only am I going to write a feature article about you and your work, but I'm going to petition my congressman to have you released from here, so you can get a good job on the outside. Your considerable talents shouldn't go to waste."

She turns and walks away. When she gets about twenty feet away from him, a cobblestone flies into the back of her head and Horace yells "You won't forget about me, will you?"

[wizdum]

The Priest's Rosary

A priet is sent to Alaska. After a few years the bishop goes to visit him. "How are you doing up here?" the bishop asks.

"It's really cold," the priest answers, "If it weren't for my Rosary and my two martinis every evening I wouldn't make it. By the way, would you like a martini?"

"Sure," the bishop says.

The priest yells, "Rosary, make us a couple of martinis please."