jwallace
December 30th, 2005, 02:22 PM
Is Your Business Affecting Your Relationship?
James is not his real name, but he had a big problem. After he and his fiancée moved in together, she started complaining about the amount of time he was spending on his home business. “All I see is the back of your head,” she complained, “all you do is work at the computer!” It was true, James was spending a lot of time on the business, and he knew it. He offered a compromise by setting specific hours when he would concentrate on work, and specific hours when he would spend time with his fiancée. This seemed to go fine in the beginning, but after a few weeks, his fiancée began to complain again. No matter what James tried to do, he couldn’t find a solution short of giving up his business.
What some home business owners fail to understand at this stage is that the business is not the cause of problems in the relationship. Many do just what James considered; giving up the business in favor of salvaging a relationship. This sacrifice is honorable; anyone who cares enough to want to preserve the relationship would naturally consider such a move, even if they dismissed it a moment later as impractical. The truth is, if compromises have been made and carried out in good faith, the real culprit probably lies in another area. Fortunately there are options that don’t include dissolving the business or the relationship; provided both people are willing to listen and be open minded, you may get to the bottom of the real issues at work. If any of these don’t work the way you’d like them to, it may be a good idea to consider taking advantage of Long Island’s many family or relationship counseling services. Some resources are listed at the end of this article should you need to take that extra step. In the meantime, try some of these ideas to relieve the pressure and get things out into the open:
Clearing the Air
Bring everything out into the open. Have you noticed resentment? Anger? Maybe it’s you feeling these things. Either way, tell your partner you want to set aside some time to talk through the entire issue. You can’t learn how or why your business is causing problems without sharing. The key to clearing the air is to pick a good time for both people. Discussing it on the drive to a social event or on the way to work is not the best approach. Instead, pick a day where you have as much time as you need to get things out, share your feelings and get to the bottom of things. It’s a very simple thing to do, but making time to talk can get lost in the shuffle. Don’t let a chance to fix your relationship slip by; communication is the key to understanding.
The Guided Tour
If your significant other doesn’t understand why you spend so much time working in the next room, it may be time to give them a real education of what you do and why. Explain how you started your current venture and what your motivations were for getting involved in the first place. Show them an entire day’s work if you can--once they see what it takes to successfully run your operation, your partner may find a new appreciation for your work. Some have the mistaken impression that those who work from home have much more fun and free time. By explaining the reality of your work, you dispel a myth that is probably causing some resentment. If there is still tension between you, it may be time to try the next step.
Partnering With Your Partner
It may be that your business is causing friction because your significant other feels left out and wants to be a part of your dream. This doesn’t necessarily mean they want to become equal partners in your business; it could be something as simple as accompanying you on a business trip or getting updates on your successes and disappointments. Do you keep your work out of your conversations? Don’t. Your partner will share the workday gossip with you; it’s only natural that you would do the same. Some people do find their spouses or fiancées eager to join in on something they perceive to be a future family business. Discuss this possibility with your partner and find out if this is how they are feeling. If so, you have some serious talking to do about the future. If not, and you are still unsure what is causing work-related problems in your relationship, it may be time for a bolder step.
Mediation
When labor and management can’t agree, a mediator is called in to help settle the dispute. Your relationship may need something similar. If you have tried everything you know how to do and still can’t seem to make any progress, consider seeing a counselor together. A good counselor acts just like a mediator in the business world; they are trained to be unbiased facilitators of communication. If you want your relationship to last, you may need to set aside your initial discomfort with the idea. Some feel that seeing a counselor is a sign of weakness or defeat, but it’s actually one of the most constructive things you can do to help a relationship, especially when nothing else seems to work. The other person may refuse to attend a counseling session, but most people will benefit from an impartial opinion, so consider going alone if you can’t get your partner to see the benefits of getting some outside advice.
Outside Help Resources
On Long Island there are many resources for both family matters and business concerns. For the small businessperson, the Long Island Association has a wealth of help with its Small Business Council, including seminars and council meetings. Another resource for small LI businesses is Small Business Workforce1, at LaGuardia Community College. If you are looking to expand your LI home business by hiring employees, the Small Business Workforce1 could be a good solution for you.
On the family relationships front, Southshore Couples and Family Counseling Center, at http://www.southshorecfcc.com/about.htm (http://www.southshorecfcc.com/about.htm), has much to offer. Southshore’s professional marriage and family therapists are trained to show families how to better listen to one another, and discover the true root of problems and difficulties at home. Your home business may be a source of friction, but what are the real causes for the trouble? You can get to the bottom of the problem with services such as Southshore, and also by taking advantage of counseling services offered by the Long Island Counseling Center, which offers a wide range of counseling and referral services. For more information see their website at http://www.familyandchildrens.org/Program%20Details/LICC.htm (http://www.familyandchildrens.org/Program%20Details/LICC.htm)
The most important part of saving both your relationship and your business is finding what the real problems are and addressing them directly. Chances are, your relationship troubles aren’t related to the actual business. Complaints about the business may be a symptom of an underlying issue. Once you and your loved one begin to address this, you can get to work of making your personal life and your business work together.
James is not his real name, but he had a big problem. After he and his fiancée moved in together, she started complaining about the amount of time he was spending on his home business. “All I see is the back of your head,” she complained, “all you do is work at the computer!” It was true, James was spending a lot of time on the business, and he knew it. He offered a compromise by setting specific hours when he would concentrate on work, and specific hours when he would spend time with his fiancée. This seemed to go fine in the beginning, but after a few weeks, his fiancée began to complain again. No matter what James tried to do, he couldn’t find a solution short of giving up his business.
What some home business owners fail to understand at this stage is that the business is not the cause of problems in the relationship. Many do just what James considered; giving up the business in favor of salvaging a relationship. This sacrifice is honorable; anyone who cares enough to want to preserve the relationship would naturally consider such a move, even if they dismissed it a moment later as impractical. The truth is, if compromises have been made and carried out in good faith, the real culprit probably lies in another area. Fortunately there are options that don’t include dissolving the business or the relationship; provided both people are willing to listen and be open minded, you may get to the bottom of the real issues at work. If any of these don’t work the way you’d like them to, it may be a good idea to consider taking advantage of Long Island’s many family or relationship counseling services. Some resources are listed at the end of this article should you need to take that extra step. In the meantime, try some of these ideas to relieve the pressure and get things out into the open:
Clearing the Air
Bring everything out into the open. Have you noticed resentment? Anger? Maybe it’s you feeling these things. Either way, tell your partner you want to set aside some time to talk through the entire issue. You can’t learn how or why your business is causing problems without sharing. The key to clearing the air is to pick a good time for both people. Discussing it on the drive to a social event or on the way to work is not the best approach. Instead, pick a day where you have as much time as you need to get things out, share your feelings and get to the bottom of things. It’s a very simple thing to do, but making time to talk can get lost in the shuffle. Don’t let a chance to fix your relationship slip by; communication is the key to understanding.
The Guided Tour
If your significant other doesn’t understand why you spend so much time working in the next room, it may be time to give them a real education of what you do and why. Explain how you started your current venture and what your motivations were for getting involved in the first place. Show them an entire day’s work if you can--once they see what it takes to successfully run your operation, your partner may find a new appreciation for your work. Some have the mistaken impression that those who work from home have much more fun and free time. By explaining the reality of your work, you dispel a myth that is probably causing some resentment. If there is still tension between you, it may be time to try the next step.
Partnering With Your Partner
It may be that your business is causing friction because your significant other feels left out and wants to be a part of your dream. This doesn’t necessarily mean they want to become equal partners in your business; it could be something as simple as accompanying you on a business trip or getting updates on your successes and disappointments. Do you keep your work out of your conversations? Don’t. Your partner will share the workday gossip with you; it’s only natural that you would do the same. Some people do find their spouses or fiancées eager to join in on something they perceive to be a future family business. Discuss this possibility with your partner and find out if this is how they are feeling. If so, you have some serious talking to do about the future. If not, and you are still unsure what is causing work-related problems in your relationship, it may be time for a bolder step.
Mediation
When labor and management can’t agree, a mediator is called in to help settle the dispute. Your relationship may need something similar. If you have tried everything you know how to do and still can’t seem to make any progress, consider seeing a counselor together. A good counselor acts just like a mediator in the business world; they are trained to be unbiased facilitators of communication. If you want your relationship to last, you may need to set aside your initial discomfort with the idea. Some feel that seeing a counselor is a sign of weakness or defeat, but it’s actually one of the most constructive things you can do to help a relationship, especially when nothing else seems to work. The other person may refuse to attend a counseling session, but most people will benefit from an impartial opinion, so consider going alone if you can’t get your partner to see the benefits of getting some outside advice.
Outside Help Resources
On Long Island there are many resources for both family matters and business concerns. For the small businessperson, the Long Island Association has a wealth of help with its Small Business Council, including seminars and council meetings. Another resource for small LI businesses is Small Business Workforce1, at LaGuardia Community College. If you are looking to expand your LI home business by hiring employees, the Small Business Workforce1 could be a good solution for you.
On the family relationships front, Southshore Couples and Family Counseling Center, at http://www.southshorecfcc.com/about.htm (http://www.southshorecfcc.com/about.htm), has much to offer. Southshore’s professional marriage and family therapists are trained to show families how to better listen to one another, and discover the true root of problems and difficulties at home. Your home business may be a source of friction, but what are the real causes for the trouble? You can get to the bottom of the problem with services such as Southshore, and also by taking advantage of counseling services offered by the Long Island Counseling Center, which offers a wide range of counseling and referral services. For more information see their website at http://www.familyandchildrens.org/Program%20Details/LICC.htm (http://www.familyandchildrens.org/Program%20Details/LICC.htm)
The most important part of saving both your relationship and your business is finding what the real problems are and addressing them directly. Chances are, your relationship troubles aren’t related to the actual business. Complaints about the business may be a symptom of an underlying issue. Once you and your loved one begin to address this, you can get to work of making your personal life and your business work together.