DATE: 18 May 2006, 10:45 am / MOOD: Other

One of the most common issues I come across with my clients is a lack of confidence or self esteem. While these issues are similar and do intertwine, they are, in fact, two completely different issues.



Confidence on the one hand, is a muscle built as you learn to trust yourself. If you don't trust yourself, you lack confidence. When you take risks, reach goals, or try something new, you are building confidence. Confidence can be defined as a "trust in one's self". How much do you trust yourself? When you answer that, you will find the level of your self confidence.



Self esteem on the other hand, is how you feel about yourself. Self esteem is affected by how judgmental or critical you are of yourself. Do you focus on your positive or your negative attributes? Ultimately, the ability to see and focus on the positive while being able to accept the negative is the basis for improving your self esteem. Your level of self esteem will directly affect your confidence level. The better you feel about yourself (self esteem), the more you will trust yourself (confidence).



So what everyone wants to know is how to create more self esteem and how to have more confidence in life.



Let's look at self esteem first, since we now know that it is the foundation for confidence. On a scale of 1-10, how do you feel about yourself? The closer your number is to 10, the more self esteem you have right now. How can you learn to be who you are and to feel good about yourself? How do you preserve and enhance your self esteem? There is a simple exercise you can do that I will share in a moment.



First, how is our self esteem shaped? How did we get to the place we are now and the level of self esteem we currently have?



Self esteem is based largely on how you define yourself from your past experiences. One of the most freeing things we can do is to let go of self images. You are a constant work in progress. You change slightly from day to day as you experience more, learn more, grow more. Who you were in your past is not who you are today.



What about the images you carry around about yourself? How do they limit you? Your image of yourself determines your limits and boundaries.



A simple exercise to start shifting the image of yourself is affirmations. An affirmation is a positive statement that you focus on about yourself, it is a valuable tool to build and shape self esteem. For instance, the affirmation "I am limitless." By focusing on that, you remove the belief that you have limits and you create a new, powerful belief that you are limitless. Indeed, a more accurate one, since our only true limits are the ones we put on ourselves.



Affirmations release you from your old worn out B.S. (belief system!) and allow you to create a new and empowering vision. You may want to write your affirmation on a card and carry it with you, or you may want to post it someplace you will see it every day. You may want to create more than one affirmation. It's all good!



Now, as for building confidence. As I said previously, the best way to build your confidence muscle is to flex it. You do this by taking risks. Risks are based in truth. The more risks you take, the more you trust yourself. You are creating factual experiences to draw upon when you need to act with confidence. You will be able to look back at those experiences and know that you can trust yourself.



When you have these experiences to draw from, it allows you a new choice. A choice to act from a place of confidence. You are now standing powerfully in your truth, because you have been there before and you know you can trust yourself to do it again. Can you make the choice to be confident? Can you choose to have higher self esteem or an empowering image of yourself?



The point of power is in the present moment. The past is over and cannot be undone, and the future is determined by our thoughts and actions in the present. What choices can you make right now regarding your confidence and self esteem? Can you stand in your own power?



Choose it, own it, live it!



Arielle Sumner Consoli of Indigo Skies has been dubbed "Long Island's Favorite Life Coach". Aside from writing for such websites as The Long Island Guide (Ask the Coach!) and longisland.com (The Life Coach Expert) she has helped numerous people live their ideal lives by making lasting changes, removing blockages, achieving goals and by simply showing them how possible it is to truly live their dream. Visit Indigo Skies at http://indigoskiescoaching.com

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DATE: 10 May 2006, 2:47 pm / MOOD: Other

The Winds of Change

Most people shiver when the winds of change blow their way. They are blinded by the strong winds hitting their face and making their eyes water and sting, knowing that things are shifting, it just can't be good! The comfort zone is going to be invaded and it won't be pretty! They can't see that the winds of change also bring along with them new opportunity, chances to grow, to heal, to face challenges. Yes, these things can be scary but what a gift they are!

How do you react to change? Do you welcome change, or dread it? The truth is, the only thing constant in life is change! Change is all around us, at every moment in the day, from our body cells constantly rejuvenating themselves, to nature's constant flow, to our thoughts, and so on. We are constantly changing...changing our minds, changing our clothes, changing hopefully for the better.

So what is the big deal? If we are constantly changing, it should be a normal state for us. Yet something in our minds tricks us into believing that we are standing still. That we have found ourselves a comfortable little niche and we can tuck ourselves away from those big scary winds. Not so! There is no comfortable little niche! It's a trick of the mind. That comfort zone you say you've got yourself in? You know, the one that you find so hard to step out of? It doesn't exist. Well, it does exist, but not in the way you think it does. Inside that comfort zone is...you guessed it. Constant change! So now what? We need to reframe our thinking and acknowledge the truth that we have been comfortable all along with change! Betcha' didn't see that one coming!

Now what do we have to say about the fear of change? We now realize that we have been changing all along and that we have even been comfortable with it! It's insanity! So where is the fear and the discomfort? If it is not outside of the comfort zone, dwelling in the dark and mysterious land of change as we once thought, then where is it? I'll tell you exactly where it is, it is lurking around in the darkest corners of our mind. That placement gives us a big gift. It gives us the gift of control! If that fear and discomfort is indeed inside our minds, then that means we have total control over it! Yes, the fear is a choice we have made! Let's take a look at our choices in the instance of change.

Have you ever tried walking against a strong wind? It's difficult isn't it? Leaning forward with your head down, taking long steps to push yourself forward. It's exhausting! It's the very same when you try to fight the winds of change. You are going to put in a lot of effort, exhaust yourself and move very slowly, or maybe not at all! You are going to get stressed out, start to believe you cannot handle it, and start to freak out! This is a welcome arena for fear and it will move right in, probably bringing it's in laws right along with it!

Now how about walking with the wind at your back, flowing together in the same direction? Ahhh, it almost carries you doesn't it? You are light as a feather as the wind guides you along, and really, you walk much faster than normal because you have such an amazing force of nature helping you along! If you let go of your resistance to the winds of change, and instead, flow with them, they will carry you, support you, if you only let them. As you discovered in your comfort zone, when you don't fight change, and instead accept it as a normal flow of life, then everything will fall into place. With everything falling into place, there is no room for fear or any of fear's relatives to move in!

Change can be empowering, indeed in the end it nearly always is. Change never comes without a challenge and it never comes without a gift. Learn to look at change as both a challenge and a gift, (as well as a natural constant part of life) and allow the winds to carry you. You will find that your time in the winds is much smoother, quicker and when they die down, you will see the gifts they have left gracing your life.






Arielle Sumner Consoli of Indigo Skies has been dubbed "Long Island's Favorite Life Coach". Aside from writing for such websites as The Long Island Guide (Ask the Coach!) and longisland.com (The Life Coach Expert) she has helped numerous people live their ideal lives by making lasting changes, removing blockages, achieving goals and by simply showing them how possible it is to truly live their dream. Visit Indigo Skies at http://indigoskiescoaching.com

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DATE: 26 Apr 2006, 2:12 pm / MOOD: Other



Sometimes being alone is the greatest gift we can give ourselves.



Are you one of those people who absolutely relish being alone? Or does the mere thought of it make you feel completely uncomfortable?



In our society we are conditioned to doing things quickly, staying busy and being constantly connected. While all these are good and serve a purpose, they are the cause and foundation for underlying stress in many people. Oddly enough-many of those same people will stress even more at the mere thought of having to spend time alone for any period of time and perhaps (gulp!) sitting quietly, doing nothing but focusing on themselves.



Allow me to share with you the following insight-doing the above-you know, meditating-for a mere 15 minutes a day-is one of the healthiest things we can do for ourselves. It's been proven that you will feel the results after a mere seven days. Seven! In a world where most look for instant gratification, that's not bad!



Now, I realize that I am asking a lot, but this is an amazing, free gift that you can give yourself and you will benefit in every area of your life.



I often wonder what the fear is that people have about slowing down and stopping for a few minutes a day just to 'be". I suspect that the answer to that is different for each of us.



For some, we may be afraid to face what we find there. What are we blocking out or keeping deeply buried within each day as we run about, so seemingly busy? For others, it may be a fear of feeling unproductive. "How can I sit still and just "be", when I have so much to do?" Many of my clients speak of not being able to make space in their daily schedule for what they call downtime. I say, in life, there is no such thing as "downtime". It is all "uptime". Why is it that when we take time for ourselves, it suddenly becomes "downtime"? Are we not our most important asset?



You take care of your home and your car, because they are important assets that you have something invested in. Let me ask you this, what do you have invested in yourself? How important are you in your day to day life? If you did not take care of your car, and keep it in top running shape, what areas of your life would suffer? Likewise, if you do not take care of yourself, how many areas of your life would be affected? Wouldn't your home life, family and career be affected, to say the least? So, if taking care of your home and car isn't considered "downtime", then why is taking care of yourself "downtime"?



Now, back to the concept of quiet time alone and meditation.



Now we know that taking time for ourselves is not downtime, the first thing to realize is that meditation does not have to be complex, a many people think. Granted there are many kinds of meditation, some more complex than others, but for now, a simple meditation will give you all the benefit you need. All you have to do is a simple practice that allows you to just "be" and give your overstressed mind a chance to regroup and slow down a bit.



First of all, find a quiet, comfortable place where you won't be interrupted for a few minutes. Preferably in the morning though you may do this in the evening as well, or at any point in the day when you have a chance and want to refresh yourself a bit. Starting with your feet and working your way upward, focus on relaxing each part of your body. Just picture your muscles letting all tension just melt off. When you have done this process on each part of your body, just relax your mind and breathe deeply. Now put the focus on your breath. Just notice each deep breath in and each deep breath out. If any other thoughts come into your mind, just allow them to come and go, without clinging to them. Rest assured, the thoughts will most certainly come, but the trick lies in acknowledging their presence and then just letting them go as quickly as they came.



With time and practice, the thoughts will come less and less. Be gentle with yourself for thoughts inviting themselves into your mind are as normal and natural as breathing.



After fifteen minutes or so, gently do some stretches to refresh your body and then see how you feel. You will most likely see that you feel more relaxed, centered and refreshed.



I challenge you to give yourself the gift of time alone and to begin to regard this time as important self-maintenance on your most valuable asset-YOU!







Arielle Sumner Consoli of Indigo Skies has been dubbed "Long Island's Favorite Life Coach". She has helped numerous people live their ideal lives by making lasting changes, removing blockages, achieving goals and by simply showing them how possible it is to truly live their dream. Arielle gives complimentary sesions, and hold numerous teleclasses throughout the year. Visit Indigo Skies at http://indigoskiescoaching.com


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DATE: 24 Apr 2006, 7:01 pm / MOOD: Other

I can make a difference.

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DATE: 21 Apr 2006, 9:16 am / MOOD: In love

"I am the one I have been looking for." –Iyanla Vanzant



We spend so much of our time waiting to be loved, hoping love will find us, searching, yearning for that special love. Feeling empty and lost without it. Wanting someone to give us love and fill us up. Unfortunately, that's not usually how life works.



You will draw to you exactly what you create in your life. You will draw to you what you believe you are worthy of. Nothing more, nothing less. In other words, when you believe that you are worthy of love, you will love yourself and then you will draw love to you from other sources.



Let's take this a step at a time. Take a realistic evaluation of yourself. Be honest with yourself about how valuable you believe you are as a person. The way you see yourself and treat yourself is the very way others will see you and treat you. Do you see yourself as valuable, worthy of the gift of love? More importantly, do you treat yourself lovingly and as a valuable being? It's ok to be truthful with yourself, it may not be pretty! Awareness is the first and more powerful step on the path to change!



If you find that you have believed yourself as unworthy of love-then right here and now, I want you to forgive yourself. After all, there were probably things in your childhood or previous years that created that belief for you. It simply isn't true; every being on this planet is worthy of love, after all, love is what we are here for, it's what it's all about. Say to yourself now; "I forgive myself for believing that I was not worthy of love." Go look in a mirror and say it out loud to yourself, look yourself right in the eyes and say it like you mean it. Go on, I'll wait.



That was probably difficult for some of you, but I knew you could do it! Now, I want you to post this affirmation up someplace where you will see it each and every day; "I have the courage to believe that I am worthy of love." Read it out loud, every day, at least once, ideally at least ten times each time you notice it. Sticky notes are fabulous for affirmations.



Then, take action and make those words real. Begin loving and valuing yourself. It is said that you cannot give away what you do not have. So, if you are not able to love and accept yourself unconditionally, how in the world are you going to love and accept anyone else unconditionally? Much less accept that love in return from them?



Remember, love is not a feeling, it is a choice! Make the choice to love yourself. After all, who deserves it more? The more loving you are to yourself, the more loving you will be able to be to everyone around you. Family and friends will especially benefit from this. Make a choice to come from a place of love for yourself and for everyone who is important in your life.



Think about what you need to fill that emptiness inside, that place that is longing for love. What specifically do you need? Find the answer and then give it to yourself. Yes, I said you will give it to yourself. No one is more capable of loving you, and giving you exactly what you need than you are! When you learn how to fulfill yourself in that way, you stop searching for it outside of yourself and you suddenly begin attracting it to you! You change yourself from a sponge to a magnet! People see you radiating self love and they are drawn to you!



Moreover, it is natural to love ourselves. We are born loving ourselves, babies are fascinated with themselves! They haven't yet learned the art of beating themselves up because their cheeks are too chubby or because they went through too many pairs of diapers today. They accept themselves. So remind yourself that loving yourself is a natural, normal state of being. To not have that self love is unnatural by all laws, yet it is so common in our society that we accept it as the norm.


Remember that nature loves, nature never doubts. Find the nature within, the love of self that is your true birthright. When you love yourself unconditionally, you allow yourself to fly. Learn to spread your wings. Like a bird, find the self love within and soar!




Arielle Sumner Consoli of Indigo Skies has been dubbed "Long Island's Favorite Life Coach". She has helped numerous people live their ideal lives by making lasting changes, removing blockages, achieving goals and by simply showing them how possible it is to truly live their dream. Arielle gives complimentary sesions, and hold numerous teleclasses throughout the year. Visit Indigo Skies at http://indigoskiescoaching.com



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DATE: 18 Apr 2006, 12:25 pm / MOOD: Full of life


When you think of choices, what comes to mind? Decisions like what to wear, what to eat or perhaps even what to do this weekend? These are all valid choices but I wonder how many of us have been neglecting some very important choices in our lives. I'm talking about choices that affect your life. Choices that you may make yourself, or heaven forbid, allow someone else to make for you!



What! You may think, I don't allow other people to make decisions for me! It's true, however, that many of us don't realize how many of our own choices for empowerment we just toss by the wayside and allow others to have control. Whose life is it anyway? Are other people living your life for you? Who will have to live with the consequences? They won't!



What I simply am suggesting is that you become more conscious of how you make decisions and choices.



Do you make decisions with confidence? With unwavering trust in your own wisdom and competence? Do you ask others for their input before deciding? Do you ask others on a regular basis before coming to a final decision for yourself?



If you find that you are constantly looking for validation for sources outside of yourself, ask yourself why. What is the motivation behind asking for someone else's input before a decision? I am not saying this isn't a good thing at certain times, but if it is done on a regular basis, then the reasons behind it are worth exploring, so that you can begin to trust yourself wrong and put your power back in your own hands.



If you find that you are basing many of your choices on what others think, then do the decisions represent the values that you want to embody for yourself? In other words, is it the choice you would have made anyway, or was your mind swayed by the responses you received from outside sources?



If you find that you are unable to make your own decisions, then realize that you don't trust or value your own opinion as much as you do that of others. Allow me to now remind you that you are a valuable, worthwhile human being. Your opinions are just as valid as anyone else's. And, when a decision or choice affects your life, then your opinion becomes that much more valuable. Why disempower yourself by handing over a decision that is important to you and affects your life-to someone else? When you do that you are literally handing away your power.



If you question the fact that you are powerful, take a moment to remember that we all have the ability to make choices. This ability can never be taken away. Choice=power!



Your power of choice cannot be taken from you, you can, however, hand it over to someone else if you are not making your choices with faith and trust in your own wisdom and knowing. Again, handing this power over is a choice. You can choose to stand in your own power majestically, or, you can hand it over to someone else. Which will you choose?



When you make a choice or a decision, ask yourself- "Am I empowering myself or disempowering myself?" "Am I giving my power away?" "Who will this decision ultimately affect?"



Empowerment is power on the inside. Call up your inner power and use it!



Some points to remember:



1. One of the most disempowering choices we can make is valuing the opinions of others above our own. When we do this, we are forfeiting our own power of choice.
2. Think about why you have made the choices you have made in the past, or are making now. What has influenced you? Are you being true to yourself in those choices?
3. Remember to make conscious choices! When you are conscious of the things you are choosing for yourself, you will be focus and clear, leading to some very empowered choices!
4. Don't allow yourself to be programmed to believe that you don't have the power to choose what you want in your life, because you do!

Arielle Sumner Consoli of Indigo Skies has been dubbed "Long Island's Favorite Life Coach". She has helped numerous people live their ideal lives by making lasting changes, removing blockages, achieving goals and by simply showing them how possible it is to truly live their dream. Arielle gives complimentary sesions, and hold numerous teleclasses throughout the year. Visit Indigo Skies at http://indigoskiescoaching.com

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DATE: 17 Apr 2006, 6:40 am / MOOD: Full of life

I let go of feelings that are not mine.

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DATE: 16 Apr 2006, 7:08 am / MOOD: Full of life


Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It is not just in some of us; it is in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.
--Marianne Williamson

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DATE: 15 Apr 2006, 4:58 pm / MOOD: Full of life

Passion is in Fashion


Is your life passion filled? What are you the most passionate about? Are there places and parts of your life where the passion has disappeared?



When some people hear the word passion, it conjures up visions of sexual passion. Yet, that is only one small part of what passion is.



We have (or don't have) passion for life, passion for certain things that we do, passion for living or just the act of being a very passionate person. What does it really mean to have these kinds of passion? It means you are enthused, dedicated, joyful, committed, excited, revved up. In short, when you do something with passion, live passionately or are passionate about something, you can bet that you are living directly from your heart and soul at those moments. Living deep, living large, living with gusto! Passion can be a sort of gauge, are you living via the go, or living via the soul? If you are living and doing via the soul, the passion will be there.



The problem is, so many of us have lost that passion, that joy for life. Why is it that we lose our passion? It could be so many factors, not the least of which are stress, being in a rut, suffering a loss, or a combination of things.



We are only human, after all, and being human can really wear you down. If you have lost your passion in any way shape or form, then go easy on yourself, it's a normal part of life, the ebb and flow of energy. Give yourself time to go through whatever it is you are going through. We cannot life in high gear constantly and slowing down to heal or regroup is a natural part of the process we call life.



When you are ready to reclaim your passion, here are some steps that can help you along:



* Acknowledge and thank the reasons or situations that have made you step back from your passion. Sometimes slowing down and taking a step back is the greatest gift we can give to ourselves. Instead of looking at your lack of passion as a negative, acknowledge it for coming into your life.
* If you aren't sure what you are passionate about, take a look at the things that bring you joy-the things that, when you are doing them, you lose all track of time. It becomes a meditation of sorts and time just stands still. That is when you are living in your passion.
* Try to reclaim the joy of childhood. Adults tend to take themselves much too seriously and this so often suffocates our passion for life. Reclaim a sense of childhood joy and wonder about the world. For example, take a nature walk and make a point to notice the smallest things.
* Take dancing lessons. Moving your body to music helps you free up stiffness in your body, frees your spirit and brings a lightness to your heart.
* Get creative! Do something creative and get your hands dirty-mold something with clay, do finger painting, or dig in your garden (no gloves allowed!). Feel your body's connection to whatever you are creating-don't worry about getting dirty-that's what soap and water are for! To clean that stuff up!
* Forget about what other people think. Most of the time, they are too busy worrying what you think of them. So cut loose, get silly, enjoy yourself and have a good time! Revel in the gift of life…and do it with passion!




Arielle Sumner Consoli of Indigo Skies has been dubbed "Long Island's Favorite Life Coach". Aside from writing for such websites as The Long Island Guide (Ask the Coach!) and longisland.com (The Life Coach Expert) she has helped numerous people live their ideal lives by making lasting changes, removing blockages, achieving goals and by simply showing them how possible it is to truly live their dream. Arielle gives complimentary sessions, and hold numerous teleclasses throughout the year. Visit Indigo Skies at http://indigoskiescoaching.com

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