OK, I can’t tell you the last time I went on a date… it was some time ago to be honest. But I do have memories of the disastrous mistakes I have made in my single “career,” and the moves that proved to be winners. All woman and men are not the same, so please keep that in mind before utilizing any dating “procedures” your friends may have for you. Each date is going to be different and all of your so-called “moves” have to be tailored to each individual. Here are some friendly guidelines to keep in mind when you are sweating your next encounter of the “opposite kind”:
•Be yourself, but be your “best” self! Consider what is important about who your are, and include that in your date, i.e., morals, values, characteristics, and ideals need to be at the forefront in order to determine if the match is going to be real or not. Don’t be scared if you think the other person might not like something about you, especially something important to you. Sure it may work in the beginning to hide it, but if it turns out to be a meaningful relationship, it will surely hurt you in the end. The truth will always find a way to reveal itself at some point. However, just because (for example) you may be a brutally honest person at times, does not mean you should expose this side of you on a first date. Bottom line, put your best foot forward, just make sure it is your real foot.
•Don’t try too hard! I used to have clients tell me, “I did everything right… so what went wrong? Well that’s just it!! You tried to do everything right! We always think that doing everything right will get us the prize, but on the contrary. I guarantee that originality will score you more points, and where does originality come from? Your true self! There is nothing wrong with showcasing the best parts of you. Sometimes making mistakes can work in your favor. Maybe it’s your sense of humor. Or maybe it’s your thoughtfulness… or sensitivity… or that you’re a good listener, who knows! And if you make a mistake, don’t worry; and if it is a noticeable mistake, acknowledge it! Let them know you are human, and your date will feel more prone to let there guard down as well. Then you guys can vibe on a “down to earth” and “real” level… the level you were both looking to vibe on in the first place!
•Instead of waiting for your turn to speak, “listen and understand” what your date is saying FIRST! I understand, your nerves and adrenalin are racing, and you are having trouble thinking of what to say (the biggest mistake you can make on a date). What we don’t realize is that what our date talks about provides us with our response, as long as we listen to them. Don’t cloud your head with witty or smart things to say. Show interest in there interests at first… after all, don’t you want to find out about things you do (or don’t) have in common?
•For goodness sake, have fun! First dates are nervous and exciting all at the same time; don’t allow your nerves to immobilize you from taking chances and having a good time. How to get over the nervousness you ask? Just keep in mind these three things:
1.He/She agreed to take a chance on you, which shows that an attraction is most likely present.
2. It’s just a date! You don’t expect to fall in love right away do you? Keeping in mind that this date doesn’t mean “everything,” can relieve you of some of the pressure.
3. You have nothing to lose!
Too many times when singles date, they make the grave mistake of fighting the grain and trying to make something fit, instead of just letting go and allowing nature to take its course. I hope some of these suggestions will be helpful and that you will add them to your dating “tool box.”
**P.S. I would love to hear some dating success stories, so if you have one you would like to share, feel free to send it to me!