(Long Island, N.Y.) Oh, the agony I go through for my Long Island Exchange readers sometimes. I mean, there’s several near-classics out in theaters this week – among them True Grit and Black Swan – and here I am reviewing the celluloid equivalent of monkey excrement instead. I’m not sure exactly how this happened, other than an unfortunate scheduling conflict, but I’m certain that someone doesn’t like me, and that someone somehow clandestinely arranged for me to be forced into watching Little Fockers. Merry Christmas, Chris.
Anyway,
Little Fockers is the second sequel to 2000’s hit movie Meet the Parents, once again starring the comic powerhouse duo (*ahem*) of Robert De Niro and
Ben Stiller. This wretched series chronicles the misadventures of one Gaylord “Greg” Focker (Stiller) and the suffering he endures under the watchful eye of his overbearing Father-In-Law, Jack (De Niro), who’s convinced that he’s not good enough for his daughter, Pam (Teri Polo).
I suppose the first movie was somewhat cute and perhaps even humorous at times, making it somewhat bearable to sit through. However,
by the time the credits rolled, the premise had already worn thin. The second movie, 2004’s Meet The Fockers, I never watched, possibly sparing me great amounts of agony. However, I wasn’t so lucky this time around, and my fears have been confirmed: this series is pure death.
I’ll try to recap the plot for Little Fockers, but it’ll probably make no sense; there’s not so much a plot as a series of gags where characters have one silly misunderstanding after another, strung together by something trying to pass itself off as “comedy.” Added into that winning formula is every single character from the previous two movies (and there were a bunch), in addition to several
new ones, creating what can only be described as a mess.
Okay, in short: cranky old Jack is having problems
with his ticker, and names Greg as his successor as the family head. But then Jack, who is a real fickle guy, decides that his daughter Pam would be better off with her ex, Kevin (Owen Wilson), which leads to Greg doing what he can to get back into Jack’s good graces. There’s random tomfoolery with Greg’s parents thrown in (Dustin Hoffman and Barbra Streisand, slumming along with the rest of the cast), not to mention a subplot where Greg’s sexy co-worker (Jessica Alba) is in love with him. Oh, and…well, never mind. I’ve given up trying to make sense of it all.
Honestly, while everyone involved in Little Fockers should be ashamed of themselves, no one should be feeling quite the sting of remorse quite as intensely as Robert De Niro, a man who used to be known for brilliantly melting into roles. Alas, he has taken to whoring himself out lately for anyone with a checkbook, churning out a string of horrible, unfunny comedies for seemingly anyone who asks. Guys like Stiller and Hoffman have all
made stinkers, so one more or less doesn’t really sully their reps very much. But Rob, come on. You even showed a glimpse of your acting mastery earlier this year in the acclaimed film Stone, but apparently it was a fluke. It’s a shame.
So, if you’re into pain, Little Fockers is your Holy Grail. Otherwise, there are plenty of great movies out, many of which I should have reviewed this week instead of this one.
