(Long Island, N.Y.) Man, I love Ninjas. Actually, I love martial arts movies in general- but when you add ninjas into the mix…MAGIC HAPPENS. Clad in black and possessing a mastery of all sorts of martial arts and exotic weapons (like…throwing stars!), the origin of the Ninja dates back to 14th century Japan, where their underhanded tatics served them well as spies, saboteurs, and assassins. But despite their status as enigmatic shadow warriors, the exploits of the Ninja have survived throughout the ages, eventually becoming the stuff of pop culture legend.
Some people claim that abilities of our pajama-clad friends began to experience some slight exaggerations with the passage of time, but this is something I just don’t buy. Hong Kong Kung-Fu flicks, the American Ninja movie boom of the 80’s, and Robert Hamburger’s REAL Ultimate Power: The Official Ninja Book have all set the record straight; not only are Ninjas masters of stealth and treachery, but they can kill entire towns for no reason at all, fly, breathe fire, shoot lasers out of their eyes, teleport, travel time, and even rock out on the electric guitar if so inclined. Apparently, there’s nothing a Ninja can’t do. And that’s why I love them.
It’s been a while since a big-budget Hollywood Ninja movie’s been made (the last one was…um, was there a last one?), so it’s with open arms that I welcome the subject of today’s review- Ninja Assassin, expertly directed by James Good McTeigue. It’s a slightly redundant title (like, Ninjas ARE assassins), but at the same time it’s also very catchy. It’s the story of Raizo (played by Rain, the Justin Timberlake of Korea), a guy who’s living my life’s dream: to be kidnapped as a child and whisked away to a mountain temple to be trained as a Ninja. Via flashbacks, Raizo recalls his brutal training at the hands of Lord Ozunu (played by long-time Ninja movie vet Sho Kosugi), leader of the Ozunu Ninja Clan.
Despite becoming Lord Ozunu’s favorite, Raizo becomes disillusioned when his love interest and fellow trainee attempts to flee the Clan, only to be caught and killed for her transgression. Following his first successful assassination and the distaste he feels for it, Raizo himself absconds, branding himself forever an enemy of the Ozunu Clan. And of course, their subsequent feud leads to torrential floods of crimson goo and body parts, as should be the case with any self-respecting martial arts film.
There’s also some nonsense thrown in about Europol agent Mika Coretti (Naomie Harris) who investigates murders linked to the Ozunu Clan, but believe me, you won’t care. That’s just filler in-between all the Ninja stuff. I honestly don’t even know why they bothered putting it in there, unless they were just trying to prevent theater audiences everywhere from suffering from Ninja Overload (that’s an actual medical term) and start karate chopping the ushers. The character of Mika, marked for death by the Ozunu Clan and in turn protected by Raizo, is yet another example of a “normal” character needlessly plugged into an extraordinary situation to give the audience (wait for it) “someone to relate to.” Come on, like we wouldn’t relate to a human meat grinder like Raizo? Please.
Overall, Ninja Assassin is a great movie. Aside from all the fun stuff like blood and death, Raizo’s back-story is actually somewhat interesting. Training montages in martial arts movies are always cool, but the addition of the tragic relationship between Raizo and his doomed love adds a slight emotional resonance to the proceedings. Also, Mika’s storyline isn’t nearly as annoying as ones seen in other films of this type- it feels organic and related to the plot, and not tacked on. Plus, it leads to some awesome Army vs. Ninja action, so maybe it was all for the best. It actually reminded me of the first Blade movie, when Wesley Snipes protected the human doctor from the vampires, who aren’t Ninjas, which is what this review is all about. Ninjas! Did I mention that in one scene Raizo kills a floor because it creaks when he walks on it?
The acting isn’t bad, either…about par for the course for a movie of this type, maybe even a little better. People say their lines, act happy, sad or angry, and generally…well, act. No, it’s not Oscar-worthy, but it’s not Sunday morning Kung-Fu Theater caliber, either. Teen idol Rain, who soon stands to be a big action star, actually got himself pretty chiseled for this role, training for months and eating nothing but chicken breasts and vegetables. His fight scenes are totally convincing, fast-paced, complexly choreographed, and deadly. For the most part the camerawork and lighting compliment the slaughter perfectly, although a few scenes are a bit too under-lit and shaky.
Five minutes in is when I realized Ninja Assassin was the bloodiest movie I’ve seen in years- arms and legs are severed, heads lopped off, bodies are vivisected, and every sword slash results in at least a gallon of blood lost. Granted, most of the gore on display is computer generated in nature (and there’s some obvious digital assistance in a lot of the combat moves as well), but despite being a staunch advocate for practical effects in movies, the CG approach worked in this case. Ninja Assassin aspires to be a live-action Anime, and attempting to replicate the fluid and over-the-top Japanese animation style with physical effects would probably come across as clumsy. It helps that the CG is very well-done, except for the fact that none of the blood spilled ever seems to hit the floor. There was a scene where Raizo gives the Cuisinart treatment to a few dozen Ninjas with his blade-on-a-chain and the white floor underneath was virtually spotless when it should’ve looked like a UFC ring. I’m not sure how that little detail got overlooked in post-production.
One thing I learned from this movie: while they possess the supernatural ability to heal themselves, move at lightspeed, and slip in and out of shadows like ghosts, Ninjas seem to lose their powers if you shine bright lights on them, kinda like in Gremlins. And the parallel between the two movies doesn’t end there- there’s a scene where young Raizo and the other new Ninja recruits are told that if they eat their dinner, their training will be twice as hard the next day. Hearing this, everyone starts digging in EXCEPT Raizo, who winds up being the only “good” Ninja of the entire clan. Now it wasn’t expressly stated, but I have a hunch that dinner was taking place after Midnight that evening. However, at one point Raizo falls into water and DOESN’T start spontaneously reproducing, so we don’t get the Gremlins-inspired hat trick. Oh, well. The fact that the Ninjas in this movie can rapid-fire countless throwing stars faster than a minigun more than makes up for that minor quibble. Mika’s car ends up looking like a porcupine at one point thanks to this admirable trait.
Oh, another thing: no one in this movie believes in Ninjas, despite the fact that the Ninjas leave like 25 murder scenes covered with a few million throwing stars. Hmm.
Now, you may have noticed that I’m giving Ninja Assassin a rather glowing review, but when it comes down to it, is it really THAT good? I mean, in all seriousness, it’s a movie about Ninjas hacking up everything in sight, and little else…surely it’s no great cinematic work in the grand scheme of things? Well, to answer that question, I’ll simply defer to the master himself, Roger Ebert, who once said:
“When you ask a friend if Hellboy is any good, you’re not asking if it’s any good compared to Mystic River, you’re asking if it’s any good compared to The Punisher. And my answer would be, on a scale of one to four, if Superman is four, then Hellboy is three and The Punisher is two. In the same way, if American Beauty gets four stars, then The United States of Leland clocks in at about two.”
In other words, reviews should stay within the context of the movie itself. In Ninja Assassin’s case, no, it’s no Citizen Kane, but when stacked up against recent action movie offerings, it easily one-ups them all. So, if you love blood, gore, and above all else, Ninjas (guilty!), then I can’t think of a better way to celebrate the hardships faced by our forefathers than so take the family to see Ninja Assassin this Thanksgiving weekend. Enjoy.
